A job is just a job... until it feels like this
Do you ever come home from work just thinking "I'm not cut out for this" or "I can't do this anymore"? That's how I felt leaving the building today. I haven't felt that way in awhile. Things have just gotten overwhelming. I have jumped into a deeper kettle of fish than I ever could have imagined.
Some of you know that I started work at the elementary school the first week of January only to have my student transfer schools after my first week there. I then spent a week kind of floating, and now I have started working with the first grade boy that I worked with for September and October.
I was excited about having the opportunity to work in this situation with this boy again because I had a good relationship with him, his class, and his teacher. It feels good to be wanted and loved, and that's just how his class makes me feel.
Sounds all hunky dory eh? Wondering where the despondency comes in? Well, now we have to look at the reason I was called back in to work with my boy. You see, he's an explosive child, and these last few weeks have been his worst yet. Not only has he been physically agressive (hitting, biting, kicking) with his classmates, but last Friday he punched the teacher in the nose - HARD. Talk about unsafe behavior! So this week he's spent his days in the quiet room with me, on in school suspension. This has meant that instead of throwing things around his classroom I get to be the sole recipient of his outbursts.
Today we had a meeting with his parents (actually grandparents), mother, teacher, guidance counselor, discipline facilitator, and Student services coordinator. I left the meeting with those feelings of inadequacy that I expressed at the beginning of the post. His mother and grandmother fought over custody issues while we discussed whether he needed a psychiatric or psychological evaluation more. The boy is in serious trouble. Something is going on there. The whole thing just makes me sad. Sad and worried. He's only 6. If he's like this when he's 6 what is he going to be like when he's 12? 18? And this is where I come in. I'm expected to be helping the situation. I just don't know... I don't feel like I am doing anything for him... or even really that there is anything that I can do for him. I don't have a degree in special ed or behavioral science... why would they hire an unqualified person like me??? I just have to keep reminding myself that being a stable presence in his life is helping no matter what and all I can do is keep loving him.
For those of you who do know some things about education, about kids... if you have any thoughts on the situation or about explosive children, please... I could use all the help I can get!
Some of you know that I started work at the elementary school the first week of January only to have my student transfer schools after my first week there. I then spent a week kind of floating, and now I have started working with the first grade boy that I worked with for September and October.
I was excited about having the opportunity to work in this situation with this boy again because I had a good relationship with him, his class, and his teacher. It feels good to be wanted and loved, and that's just how his class makes me feel.
Sounds all hunky dory eh? Wondering where the despondency comes in? Well, now we have to look at the reason I was called back in to work with my boy. You see, he's an explosive child, and these last few weeks have been his worst yet. Not only has he been physically agressive (hitting, biting, kicking) with his classmates, but last Friday he punched the teacher in the nose - HARD. Talk about unsafe behavior! So this week he's spent his days in the quiet room with me, on in school suspension. This has meant that instead of throwing things around his classroom I get to be the sole recipient of his outbursts.
Today we had a meeting with his parents (actually grandparents), mother, teacher, guidance counselor, discipline facilitator, and Student services coordinator. I left the meeting with those feelings of inadequacy that I expressed at the beginning of the post. His mother and grandmother fought over custody issues while we discussed whether he needed a psychiatric or psychological evaluation more. The boy is in serious trouble. Something is going on there. The whole thing just makes me sad. Sad and worried. He's only 6. If he's like this when he's 6 what is he going to be like when he's 12? 18? And this is where I come in. I'm expected to be helping the situation. I just don't know... I don't feel like I am doing anything for him... or even really that there is anything that I can do for him. I don't have a degree in special ed or behavioral science... why would they hire an unqualified person like me??? I just have to keep reminding myself that being a stable presence in his life is helping no matter what and all I can do is keep loving him.
For those of you who do know some things about education, about kids... if you have any thoughts on the situation or about explosive children, please... I could use all the help I can get!
posted by Alison at 9:30 PM
1 Comments:
Alison- He's 6. He's got a disaster for a life. His family can't even get it together for an important school meeting. There's no stability. Somehow you've got to be his stability. You've got an amazing sense of patience when you want it. (I'm thinking now of some of those doozies from camp.) Be his grownup-friend. Give him something to look forward to every day. If you tell yourself "I'm the important person in this kid's life" then eventually you actually will be. Smile a lot. Seriously. This is always what works for me. I believe in you that you can do this, because you've got it in you. Email me if you want to talk more specifics.
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