A Little Bit of Catch Up (but not ketchup... I HATE that stuff!)
I realize that it has been forever since I last posted... I guess the holidays were busier for me than I thought they would be.
If I have progressed enough in the blog realm to actually have regular readers they are probably wondering the outcome of my last post. I said that I would fill you in and it's taken me a super long time to do that, but here goes... Oh, but first, thank you to all of you who gave me your opinions on the matter... it was good to hear some different perspectives.
Amid shouts and fighting back tears my mother and I left our home Christmas Eve and spent a few hours at church and visiting my grandmother. I cried almost the whole way there, but once I was there I really felt like I should have been there. I didn't regret my decision, even if it made things tense and loud.
This is how I looked at it: things at my house are almost always tense and loud. If I lived my life around trying not to set off my dad, I wouldn't really live my life. If you know me you know that I'm not one to sit back and keep my opinion to myself. Christmas might have been more peaceful if I had chosen to stay home, but then again it might not have been. There is always something to set him off. The other piece that I had to consider is that Christmas Eve isn't just about going to church in my family. Yes, it is going to church, yes it is a celebration of the birth of Christ... but more than that, it's about family.
Picture it, Sicily... ok, not Sicily, I just like saying that :) The church is small, it maybe seats 60 people, the clock ticks loudly, the furnace burns warmly, the candles flicker brightly. You think you couldn't squeeze another person in there if you tried, but there always ends up being room for a few more. The service is about the birth of a Savior, but it's about the life of a community too. The pastor preaches there just a few times a year, when there is a baby to be baptized, a few times in the summer, and this night. A chunk of time in the middle of the service is dedicated to catching up, praising the Lord for the blessings of the year past and lifting up to him the worries. In that tiny room, and later in the evening at my grandmother's I am surrounded by family and friends, some that I don't see any other time of the year. You never really know how the service is going to run, I guess it kind of goes in a "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of manner, but somehow that makes it even more special. If you have something to share, this is your chance. Myrna always has a poem to read that she's worked on all year. The Buttolph girls who have travelled from PA have a beautiful song to share, and then John will ask anyone else who wants to share to come on up. It's far from perfect, and usually punctuated by giggles and a few shakes of the head, but it's real.
Maybe I'm selfish for wanting to be a part of that, but I don't think so. I agreed with most of what was said in the comments. I know that I can't be a witness to my father if I'm not there and if I'm only serving to make him angry. I also recongize that celebrating Christmas by going to church doesn't amount to a hill of beans if you're only going because you feel like it's your duty. But from my perspective, I think I did the right thing. He's over it, he was over it in a few days, but I got to celebrate with a community, to be a part of a family, to participate in something that I really believe blesses the heart of the Lord.
If I have progressed enough in the blog realm to actually have regular readers they are probably wondering the outcome of my last post. I said that I would fill you in and it's taken me a super long time to do that, but here goes... Oh, but first, thank you to all of you who gave me your opinions on the matter... it was good to hear some different perspectives.
Amid shouts and fighting back tears my mother and I left our home Christmas Eve and spent a few hours at church and visiting my grandmother. I cried almost the whole way there, but once I was there I really felt like I should have been there. I didn't regret my decision, even if it made things tense and loud.
This is how I looked at it: things at my house are almost always tense and loud. If I lived my life around trying not to set off my dad, I wouldn't really live my life. If you know me you know that I'm not one to sit back and keep my opinion to myself. Christmas might have been more peaceful if I had chosen to stay home, but then again it might not have been. There is always something to set him off. The other piece that I had to consider is that Christmas Eve isn't just about going to church in my family. Yes, it is going to church, yes it is a celebration of the birth of Christ... but more than that, it's about family.
Picture it, Sicily... ok, not Sicily, I just like saying that :) The church is small, it maybe seats 60 people, the clock ticks loudly, the furnace burns warmly, the candles flicker brightly. You think you couldn't squeeze another person in there if you tried, but there always ends up being room for a few more. The service is about the birth of a Savior, but it's about the life of a community too. The pastor preaches there just a few times a year, when there is a baby to be baptized, a few times in the summer, and this night. A chunk of time in the middle of the service is dedicated to catching up, praising the Lord for the blessings of the year past and lifting up to him the worries. In that tiny room, and later in the evening at my grandmother's I am surrounded by family and friends, some that I don't see any other time of the year. You never really know how the service is going to run, I guess it kind of goes in a "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of manner, but somehow that makes it even more special. If you have something to share, this is your chance. Myrna always has a poem to read that she's worked on all year. The Buttolph girls who have travelled from PA have a beautiful song to share, and then John will ask anyone else who wants to share to come on up. It's far from perfect, and usually punctuated by giggles and a few shakes of the head, but it's real.
Maybe I'm selfish for wanting to be a part of that, but I don't think so. I agreed with most of what was said in the comments. I know that I can't be a witness to my father if I'm not there and if I'm only serving to make him angry. I also recongize that celebrating Christmas by going to church doesn't amount to a hill of beans if you're only going because you feel like it's your duty. But from my perspective, I think I did the right thing. He's over it, he was over it in a few days, but I got to celebrate with a community, to be a part of a family, to participate in something that I really believe blesses the heart of the Lord.
posted by Alison at 7:58 PM
3 Comments:
Thanks for filling us in Alison :) Im glad you got to enjoy the service. Thanks for posting!
Room mate :) It's good to have you back! I've been checking your site *hoping* to find a new glimpse into what you've been up to and always came up short!! Aw, honey, I miss you!!
As for Christmas, I'm glad you got to enjoy the service as well. Next time though, you should try checking out some sort of a service up around my area ;) It's gonna make it tough that you work weekdays and I work weekends now... but we ARE going to figure out a way to get together! We HAVE to! Why? Cause you're my room mate and I love you!
We already talked about this on the phone so I just wanted to say I'm glad you finally blogged more. I was getting a bit sick of nagging you! You were thisclose to having to start out with that phrase..you know the one...something to do with a queen! ;-) Maybe if we all pray next year your Dad will be joining you for the Christmas Eve service and you can have the best of both worlds!
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